Friends

Family is family and is no way, good or bad, that one can choose them

While friends one can meet aplenty but the one who sticks around is the gem

I never chose to meet you though, as even the first time we hardly greeted

What was to follow was an amazing friendship that I did not believe anything could beat it.

 

I cherish those times when a phone call, a message or a visit made my day

A bond that developed that looked strong that nothing could come in its way

In the quiet of the night, while asleep, a dark cloud may have enveloped our friendship

Your silence ever so deafening as the messages and phone calls you let slip

 

A broken heart I have for I know not what I have done to cause you any distress

Your friendship means so much to me that even now I pray that God you do bless

The joys that you brought to my life for that I can never in any way repay

Some people slip out of one’s life slowly and quietly but you seemed in a rush to get away

 

I sit and wonder about all the times we had and hope that you will soon you will be there

There where we shared much with each other and such was the love our hearts did bear

You have always been a special friend to me and your absence I cannot accept

Pray I will that my shortcomings you will pardon because in my heart our friendship I have kept.

 

Relationships101 - Happiness

Picture the scene! You get up in the morning and you are all excited. Today you are going to conquer the world. You make a 90^º turn and you see someone standing there. It is your spouse. As great as you are feeling, your spouse is feeling the exact opposite. What happens next?

Amazingly, for some or other reason, it is generally more likely for a grumpy person to win the day than the happy person or at least at that moment. The reason being that the happy person will in all likelihood say the not-so-right thing and there goes the happy moment. We forget too quickly that we are all human and very vulnerable. Happiness needs work from the self while unhappiness, even thought possibly self-inflicted, does have the external factor to it. We thus flip into “negativity” much quicker than the other way round.

So what is the correct way for the happy one to influence the seemingly grumpy one. Firstly, always understand that the other person often is but a reflection of oneself. A couple are two halves of one and it is important that the whole remains intact. I am sure everyone would rather be happy than sad. Your contribution to happiness starts with that solidarity and oneness. We ought not to live with mere expectation but rather strive to be a positive contributor. Let the finger pointing stop,  take a deep breath and calmly tell yourself “he/she will not spoil my moment/day”, then proceed to radiate your calming and positive energy. Feel for the other person with the objective to get them to snap out of it quickly without uttering the command.

Uttering the command is dangerous. Rather, find the root of the issue as quickly as possible and one of two things should follow. Your assessment, genuine and accurate, is important. How serious is the other’s issue? Suggest that you will help in some way, remember be genuine. If you are really not able to help, be consoling and suggest ways to resolve it. Perhaps buy time to find the solution because you may want, in the meantime, to have a little fun.

You are in a relationship and it is important to realise that happiness must include both parties. Building an understanding helps one be happy and happiness shared is happiness doubled. Living your “own” life while in a relationship cannot lead to real happiness unless the relationship is like a brick.

We all, or many of us rather, have the habit of provoking the other party or sometimes we may actually misread a situation. Restore the better situation as quickly as possible and don’t blame the other for an argument or the fact that the other had the “wrong” reaction. Be conciliatory and best, in a quiet moment, to discuss these issues even using hypothetical examples and many times the offending party will realise their mistakes.

Happiness is to draw someone into the circle. When they are not ready then make the circle bigger. Be inclusive and happiness will endure.

Long may you all find happiness.

Relationships101 - Marital 1

 

“He is in love”, how can you miss it, that broad smile, he is simply floating. No doubt the scene for many a youngster and then the not-so-young can easily at a point get hooked too.

This is a scene you find early on when boy meets girl. They marry and are all so happy. Awesome – everybody deserves to be happy. Anybody who stays in one house long enough will tell you that over the years the amount of junk they collect is enormous. The occasional spring cleaning helps but most times it takes a move from one house to another to decide to leave this pile of junk. Our lives, the emotional side of it, is really not that much different. Over the years we collect a fair amount of “junk” through various factors such as work stress, financial stress and physical neglect. The “he is in love” smile has most likely developed into a snarl.

The very many factors that lead to this situation are lost on many, but remedy can indeed still happen. Most people forget that life has its phases and this realisation can help in trying to stay on top of things. There are obvious guidelines that can help realign the emotional side to remain neutral/positive. The aim should obviously be to avoid negativity. Emotionally, we are all in need of spring cleaning but there is one rule that applies always: Don’t throw away another’s junk. Be it physical or emotional or a combination thereof, each one is responsible for his own junk and he/she needs to come to terms with that. The whole idea is to create an environment to facilitate this. Most wake up too late and start the finger pointing, finger wagging bit. The truth of the matter is that the buck stops here – The “I” factor – rather it should be the “eye” factor. Look yourself in the eye and address yourself as to why the situation is what it is and why is it not a few notches better. What was your role in the matter and be adult enough not to shirk responsibility.

We look at the political landscape and we find much finger pointing and very little, if any, indication of people taking responsibility. So, place yourself in that position and then decide whether you would have responded better than a politician in any particular case. Now, beam back to earth and your house and household and put up your hand as one who have been out of line. Pardon, humbly, those around you who you think have also wronged and don’t hold them responsible for the past – let it be. The day you got married, you promised your spouse that you will do this and that and at best you did “thi”, not even “this”, let alone that. Look deep inside yourself and draw the strength to set yourself and your family on a new path. Be the leader.

Relationships are fraught with dangers – but we need to be aware of that (another discussion, another time). Perhaps we need to be mindful of one or two things before we depart (although perhaps you will come back and read my next blog J ), make very few promises, but those you make, keep them. And a promise you need to make, is to build relationships that will last and commit yourself to find solutions when the GPS (of the heart) is offline.

Now do a good deed and like this and spread - Love

Selfless or Selfie

You have read the news headlines lately “Court hears details of shots that killed Reeva”, “Girl who survived brutal attack, dies”, “New uncertainty about missing Malaysian plane”, “Robbers get 30 years” – Sorry, sad reading.

Crime is nothing new, but the alarming rate at which it is increasing is scary. On self-examination many of us will pause momentarily and show our disgust at all of this. Very good – at least there is some feeling and emotion showing that our values have not been depleted totally. Few really care and show a keen interest and get involved. Others cannot be bothered by the detail as it is too far removed from themselves.

It is of course no secret that our own self-absorption causes us to not reflect on these situations enough. How will we know what is enough. – Aah – therein lies the issue. Until and unless we start to know ourselves, our very beings, the reason how and why we created, everything seems trivial. An atheist once argued that he does not need religion to have values. This is true to an extent, but then how does one define values. Values that shows little concern for another can that really be considered a value ; not stealing (and the implied honesty) can be considered a value, but is that not necessarily an inherent value because there is a law that prohibits stealing. So in a way, there is agreement that laws must exist.

But human laws have changed over time and as such lawlessness has become the order of the day. The penal system in itself is weak, but that is because the “value” system attaches more value to the rights of the individual than to that of society.

So you and I don’t really care – because we differ on whose value system is right. A value system indeed, guided by the whims and fancies of small, but yet seemingly powerful groups. This value system is diluted because we don’t know who we are. So let me belt it out – we were created from dust, we are mere nothings who have been given status only by our Creator. We forget that and behave as if we are self-made and we forget that we will one day return to our Creator.

We turn our back to His laws, or we twist His laws, we rewrite His laws as it suits us so that we may fit into society and claim our little bit of popularity. We dress shamelessly, we speak shamelessly and our promiscuous selves act shamelessly believing there is no beginning and no end to our fun. We forget we come from dust. Yes! Applying that make up after you were fashioned in the best of ways both inside and out – but you applied the paint on the outside and the inside become rusted. The inside where the value system is supposed to be nurtured has become a rust bucket.

There is hope yet, but first we have to clear our thoughts and words of superiority like, ”who died and made you God”, “Who gave you the right to speak to me”, “you tell me to dress like this while you have that problem”, etc ,etc. Bite your tongue and find the tonic to clear that rusted heart. It is easy for those who want to be selfless and not preparing to take another selfie.

Our most Merciful Creator has created chance after chance for us to improve ourselves internally. Let’s not be fake – show gratefulness to Him by acting on it. You are better than you look or are trying to look.

 

 

 

 

Amends

in the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Especially Merciful

I have so much to say but why won’t you listen and when you have to speak then you rather stay quiet

But behind the scenes you scheme and the real character emerges as you plan a riot

Broken bones and broken dishes these can be fixed although this one is more serious than that

I noticed that you are quite adept at that when you swoop at speed faster than an eyelid can bat

So the heart is all broken as you inflict pain when you take away that which is most beloved

For it is in your jealousy and deep selfishness that everything meaningful you wish to covet

You walk away without a shred of shame because for another you feel no pain

Arrogance in your walk for those who care to observe as another relationship you toss down the drain

Sadly, blind are those around you or may be not, but definitely their minds and tongues are numb

You have certainly been at it many-a-time but know that to your dirty tricks we will not succumb

You lie and cheat, and so much more, but one thing is for sure that you memory is short

While your protectors here may soon be gone you have given that no thought

But you do believe, even though you may only say it, that there is yet a life to come

And for the good people they will most definitely be entered into a place so awesome

If in any way they fall short to achieve this entry into this place called paradise

You will be called upon to pay your debt for all the harm you brought upon them and lies

Time is ticking away at a rapid pace and can you not picture your white shroud being prepared

Why then not hasten to repent and make amends before one of us is really dead.

The Tyrant

 In the name of Allah, Most Merciful, the Especially Merciful

You have heard the story of Pharoah – Oh what a tyrant he was – then you heard about this one and that one – all these tyrants who oppressed many a people. So you may curse them for those who rule and spread corruption in the land, are cruel and unjust to their people – may be cursed because these oppressed people have nothing else left but their silent thoughts and prayers.

And you think smugly – they, the tyrants, are deserved of that. And you think that you are free of any blame. So you believe you are not a tyrant – because? You are not a tyrant because you do not rule over people? Then perhaps you should look into the mirror and check your thoughts – are you feeling of superiority for what you see?  Take a look at your family and see whether there is any fear for you from them? Go outside and see who do you relate to best of your neighbours and why?

But then – look at all the people that you interact with or that you perhaps need to interact with and ask yourself – have I taken any of their rights – Have I taken someone’s inheritance? Have I caused some people to hate others only because of some differences or that they were blessed with more (in any way or form) than I am? Have I been hypocritical in my affairs such that deep down I plan the downfall of another?

Am I a tyrant?

The world is filled with tyrants at all levels and most of us are unaware that we may bear some of those traits. Tick tock the time flies by. We have added to family problems, to societal problems and these become global problems – are we not guilty?

A great man – Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him - said: By the one in whose hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you submit, and you will not submit until you love one another. Greet each other with peace and you will love one another. Beware of hatred, for it is the razor. I do not say it shaves hair, but rather it shaves away the religion.
Source: Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 260, Grade: Hasan

So spread goodness and slay the monster and tyrant from within. If you do not do so perhaps time will pass you by until you get into a situation like Pharaoh did as related in Quran: “
And We took the children of Israel across the sea, and Pharaoh with his hosts followed them in oppression and enmity, till when drowning overtook him, he said: "I believe that none has the right to be worshipped bu) He, in whom the children of Israel believe, and I am one of the Muslims (those who submit to Allah's Will)."

Now (you believe) while you refused to believe before and you were one of the mufsideen (evildoers, corrupts, etc.). So this day We shall deliver your dead body out from the sea that you maybe a sign to those who come after you! And verily, many among mankind are heedless or our Ayah (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.). (Ch 10:90-92 Quran)

Superiority causes hatred but likewise does inferiority – rather remember we are all the children of Adam and he was made from dust. Spread love amongst one another, seek pardon and bite your tongue rather than spread tales and gossip.

Love and Peace

 
In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the especially Merciful

The sharpness of the blade is felt as it penetrates his back. He did not see his attacker yet he knew too well who he is. He did not expect that his attacker would stoop so low. There were many skirmishes and sparring sessions before but this was a step too far. They have grown a little older and a sense of maturity was expected of them all. That a sense of dialogue that needs to maintained to iron out any little issue that may arise. But the transgressor must believe that either the victim has the same ulterior motives as him or that perhaps the goodness of the victim already puts the transgressor on the back foot. He pounces, a strong hit as the blade penetrates, then, a twist to finally put the matter to rest. No one can survive that.

And so the transgressor thinks to himself: “Yes, victory at last and no one to dispute with me now. I am the king and have no concern about my tyrannical nature. I have my way to avoid being brought to account because simply put “there were no witnesses”. And it is quite clear that no one will dare challenge me. I have even before taken out the then mighty. Today everyone lives by my rules and shall bow down to me”

And such is life that in families, friendships, groups and communities there are always those who seek the glory. They will lie, betray, backstab and use whatever means possible to attain their goals. They forget too quickly that one day they will be brought to account before our Creator and will face the penalty that day.

So, let us check ourselves that we have not harmed another even like the brothers of Joseph (pbuh) or that we have not cast a stone at another. It is not too late to ask for forgiveness both from your Creator and your victim. As time ticks by, it becomes all the more difficult for when your “victim” is lying on his deathbed, do you expect him then to have the capacity to forgive you?

I say firstly to myself and then to you – that whatever harm we may have done – today I ask for pardon and wish to never repeat any such evil. I say to you, that the harm you caused me, the words of Joseph (Pbuh) to his brothers “today there is no blame on you” – I have forgiven you.

I pray that we spread goodness - that we spread peace – that we spread love.