Relationships101 - Marital 1

 

“He is in love”, how can you miss it, that broad smile, he is simply floating. No doubt the scene for many a youngster and then the not-so-young can easily at a point get hooked too.

This is a scene you find early on when boy meets girl. They marry and are all so happy. Awesome – everybody deserves to be happy. Anybody who stays in one house long enough will tell you that over the years the amount of junk they collect is enormous. The occasional spring cleaning helps but most times it takes a move from one house to another to decide to leave this pile of junk. Our lives, the emotional side of it, is really not that much different. Over the years we collect a fair amount of “junk” through various factors such as work stress, financial stress and physical neglect. The “he is in love” smile has most likely developed into a snarl.

The very many factors that lead to this situation are lost on many, but remedy can indeed still happen. Most people forget that life has its phases and this realisation can help in trying to stay on top of things. There are obvious guidelines that can help realign the emotional side to remain neutral/positive. The aim should obviously be to avoid negativity. Emotionally, we are all in need of spring cleaning but there is one rule that applies always: Don’t throw away another’s junk. Be it physical or emotional or a combination thereof, each one is responsible for his own junk and he/she needs to come to terms with that. The whole idea is to create an environment to facilitate this. Most wake up too late and start the finger pointing, finger wagging bit. The truth of the matter is that the buck stops here – The “I” factor – rather it should be the “eye” factor. Look yourself in the eye and address yourself as to why the situation is what it is and why is it not a few notches better. What was your role in the matter and be adult enough not to shirk responsibility.

We look at the political landscape and we find much finger pointing and very little, if any, indication of people taking responsibility. So, place yourself in that position and then decide whether you would have responded better than a politician in any particular case. Now, beam back to earth and your house and household and put up your hand as one who have been out of line. Pardon, humbly, those around you who you think have also wronged and don’t hold them responsible for the past – let it be. The day you got married, you promised your spouse that you will do this and that and at best you did “thi”, not even “this”, let alone that. Look deep inside yourself and draw the strength to set yourself and your family on a new path. Be the leader.

Relationships are fraught with dangers – but we need to be aware of that (another discussion, another time). Perhaps we need to be mindful of one or two things before we depart (although perhaps you will come back and read my next blog J ), make very few promises, but those you make, keep them. And a promise you need to make, is to build relationships that will last and commit yourself to find solutions when the GPS (of the heart) is offline.

Now do a good deed and like this and spread - Love

Love and Peace

 
In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the especially Merciful

The sharpness of the blade is felt as it penetrates his back. He did not see his attacker yet he knew too well who he is. He did not expect that his attacker would stoop so low. There were many skirmishes and sparring sessions before but this was a step too far. They have grown a little older and a sense of maturity was expected of them all. That a sense of dialogue that needs to maintained to iron out any little issue that may arise. But the transgressor must believe that either the victim has the same ulterior motives as him or that perhaps the goodness of the victim already puts the transgressor on the back foot. He pounces, a strong hit as the blade penetrates, then, a twist to finally put the matter to rest. No one can survive that.

And so the transgressor thinks to himself: “Yes, victory at last and no one to dispute with me now. I am the king and have no concern about my tyrannical nature. I have my way to avoid being brought to account because simply put “there were no witnesses”. And it is quite clear that no one will dare challenge me. I have even before taken out the then mighty. Today everyone lives by my rules and shall bow down to me”

And such is life that in families, friendships, groups and communities there are always those who seek the glory. They will lie, betray, backstab and use whatever means possible to attain their goals. They forget too quickly that one day they will be brought to account before our Creator and will face the penalty that day.

So, let us check ourselves that we have not harmed another even like the brothers of Joseph (pbuh) or that we have not cast a stone at another. It is not too late to ask for forgiveness both from your Creator and your victim. As time ticks by, it becomes all the more difficult for when your “victim” is lying on his deathbed, do you expect him then to have the capacity to forgive you?

I say firstly to myself and then to you – that whatever harm we may have done – today I ask for pardon and wish to never repeat any such evil. I say to you, that the harm you caused me, the words of Joseph (Pbuh) to his brothers “today there is no blame on you” – I have forgiven you.

I pray that we spread goodness - that we spread peace – that we spread love.

Fusion of Hearts

 In the name of Allah, most Gracious Most Merciful

I proposed to you on a day when I did not know you
Yet in a few minutes I saw in you the future of us two
That together we will face the challenges the world may offer
Many may think we hide a treasure in some magic coffer

But it is the meeting of the minds and the fusing of the hearts
A magical place where seeds are planted and true love starts
The goal is simple to live with respect and serve each other
The evil one can do his best but he does us not bother

Even sometimes when sadness overtakes one of us
The other is there to untie all the knots and end all the fuss
It is true that every couple may have their disagreements
But how can we ever allow these to be of any permanence

No doubt some may ask whether ours was love at first sight
My only answer is that at the end of every prayer there is light
So for the one I love is that I do my best to treat her well
And I know when she missed me tears do make her eyes swell

So my love you know best that I am not perfect
But the love I have I am sure you will never reject
Praise indeed to the Lord who created me and you
And bonded our hearts into one instead of two
 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

#Love #heart #Lord #treasure

The Bond

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

The glue that sticks it all together has become undone. Slowly the world is fragmenting. Each one is on a path of his own. When he does offer a helping hand, the world remains resistant to such aid. But mostly it is that the world has become immune to bonding and adhesive. At best such bonding is merely for pleasure but holds little value and soon the cracks appear yet again.

This phenomenon is much the order of the day in families, in groups of friends and in communities. One would have thought that each grouping would have its own special bonding like the old saying that blood is thicker than water. But, while that may yet be true, the bond is no longer one of strength. This is not an overnight problem, but one that has been on the cards for a while, yet many turned a blind eye.

Somebody made a comment recently saying that “our generation are going to make the weirdest grandparents”. That may have so many meanings and while the one who said this may have meant something totally different, the reality is perhaps that the gap between families and generations are forever widening. Technology is likely to be a key form of bonding because the natural human contact is no longer high on the agenda.

Perhaps in days gone by a strong family member held the family together. Perhaps in days gone by friends trusted each other and built strong relationships. Perhaps in days gone by communities were held together because of the influence of strong elders. Some may argue that therein lie the problem. The problem may be that these strong influencers did not necessarily pass on the baton. These influencers did not teach others the values to lead, they did not mentor. But shall we merely place the problem at their feet and claim innocence?
The world is falling apart and we merely embrace each other for others to see, for the picture. We have done much scientific research, business has advanced, sports has changed with technology and yet human relations has become merely an academic subject and no longer the pulse of our lives. Our own selfishness, our own absolute independence, our own self-righteousness has made us islands. While wars are being fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, our own missile launchers are aimed at anyone who encroaches, even though well-meaning, and often those who encroach are those we know like family and friends,.

As another person recently reminded me “when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life a thousand reasons to smile” – likewise when those in our circle make us sad, think of the many joys they bring us and if these aren’t many, find the one thing that you appreciate about them. Let those around us share with love. Love each other with our hearts. It is no co-incidence that we, as Muslims greet by saying “peace be unto you” – we look that person in the eye and say that you and everything about you is safe from my tongue, my thoughts and I bear no ill-feeling towards you.
Spread peace and through the cleansing of the heart, perhaps love will grow. Perhaps it is too late to save this world, but for you and I, we can still live with each other in peace and harmony by living with love. Perhaps in our own small way, two may become four and before long families may have re-learnt this beautiful thing called love, the real love, the real bond.

I pray that the Almighty Allah guides us and instils in our hearts that love for each other that even death will not take away.

My Mother

Blessed am I that you have been chosen as my mother

With every action with love you do smother

How is it that even though with the difficulty that you bore me

Not once did you ask of me not the slightest of fee

No doubt strict you were and never short of a rule

But learn I had to as certainly you were to me a school

Today you have reached yet another milestone

And still an opportunity for my disobedience to atone

Now, My Lord knows, how I wish to you I was an ideal son

So I offer to make amends and pray you reach a ton

And judging by your good health I pray it’s really so

Having you is like having a river of blessing that flow

I say these words being fortunate still to have a mother

And not a chance that I could ever swop you for another

As much as you have done for me I have a request

Since by my Lord the prayer of a mother is always blessed

Please, o please forgive me for whatever I did that made you sad

And I urge you pray to our Lord that He erases all my bad

In turn, daily with every opportunity, I continue to pray

That ultimately that you be granted paradise as a place to stay

Before then that He grants you good health and long life

Filled with much happiness and not an iota of strife

Mom, just for being Mom, how can I ever thank you

Mom I love you, I do I do I really really do

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The poet said: “The mother is a school: if you prepare her properly, you will prepare an entire people of good character, The mother is the first teacher, foremost among them, and the best of teachers.”

Diwan Hafiz Ibrahim, 282. Published by Dar al-Kutub al-Misriyyah.

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