in the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
She extends
her hand reflecting the henna-draping in preparation for her wedding day. The exquisite
wedding dress was a transformation of an idea, the right pattern and of course
the ideal fabric. There is buzz of
people around her as the excitement builds up to the actual wedding day.
Her parents
are overjoyed at the occassion of her getting married. Yet in her heart there is
a trembling for the certainty of the decision, which was beyond her, is about to
become reality. Today she will become a wife and she will spend time and space
with her new husband’s family. Silently and passively, she wonders why they
call it in-laws.
At this
tender age, she is agreeable to marriage, but fears that this decision was none
of her making. She has no problem with the fact that parents have an important
role to play in ensuring their chldren choose ideal partners. But therein lies
the concern – was she marrying her ideal partner.
Revelry, exhange
of greetings and gifts marks the occassion. Lavish as it is and joyous as it
appears, she is withdrawn. She prays to her Lord, her Overseer, Allah, to guide
her, to protect her and to make her marriage successul. Tears stream down her
cheeks and as this not unusual for many a bride, nobody shares her concern. She
manages a smile as expected of her. This bubbly person inside is smothered by
the occassion and the reality of its meaning.
The success
of the day is but a minute speck since the real success is the growth of the
married couple as individuals and as a couple. As the wedding day became of distant
memory, she bears the struggles of her marriage patiently. She eventually has
children but the struggles are only intensifying as she feels robbed of her
identity, her motherhood. Perhaps “wife” is a misplaced word in this
partnership which by now barely resembles a marriage.
Her inner
circle knows of her concerns, but nobody believes it to be too serious. An
eventuality which was inevitable. The person locked up inside of her all these
years wants to live. The bride of yesterday is no more. She can bear it no
more. The most hated thing in the sight of Allah, but which is permitted, is
about to become a new reality. She is granted a divorce after enduring much
hardship. A harsh lesson but all good husbands will feel aggrieved at this situation.
All good meaning fathers will understand that their ideal relationship is not
necessarily the ideal relationship of their children.
Divorce
happens. There ought not be a stigma attached, neither for the divorcee nor for
the one intending to marry a divorcee. There are too many sad stories, some similar, some
worse.
Marry them
and if things don’t work out, after exhausting all avenues, then part in
goodness.
