A bride no more

in the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

She extends her hand reflecting the henna-draping in preparation for her wedding day. The exquisite wedding dress was a transformation of an idea, the right pattern and of course the ideal fabric. There is  buzz of people around her as the excitement builds up to the actual wedding day.

Her parents are overjoyed at the occassion of her getting married. Yet in her heart there is a trembling for the certainty of the decision, which was beyond her, is about to become reality. Today she will become a wife and she will spend time and space with her new husband’s family. Silently and passively, she wonders why they call it in-laws.

At this tender age, she is agreeable to marriage, but fears that this decision was none of her making. She has no problem with the fact that parents have an important role to play in ensuring their chldren choose ideal partners. But therein lies the concern – was she marrying her ideal partner.

Revelry, exhange of greetings and gifts marks the occassion. Lavish as it is and joyous as it appears, she is withdrawn. She prays to her Lord, her Overseer, Allah, to guide her, to protect her and to make her marriage successul. Tears stream down her cheeks and as this not unusual for many a bride, nobody shares her concern. She manages a smile as expected of her. This bubbly person inside is smothered by the occassion and the reality of its meaning.

The success of the day is but a minute speck since the real success is the growth of the married couple as individuals and as a couple. As the wedding day became of distant memory, she bears the struggles of her marriage patiently. She eventually has children but the struggles are only intensifying as she feels robbed of her identity, her motherhood. Perhaps “wife” is a misplaced word in this partnership which by now barely resembles a marriage.

Her inner circle knows of her concerns, but nobody believes it to be too serious. An eventuality which was inevitable. The person locked up inside of her all these years wants to live. The bride of yesterday is no more. She can bear it no more. The most hated thing in the sight of Allah, but which is permitted, is about to become a new reality. She is granted a divorce after enduring much hardship. A harsh lesson but all good husbands will feel aggrieved at this situation. All good meaning fathers will understand that their ideal relationship is not necessarily the ideal relationship of their children.

Divorce happens. There ought not be a stigma attached, neither for the divorcee nor for the one intending to marry a divorcee. There are too many sad stories, some similar, some worse.

Marry them and if things don’t work out, after exhausting all avenues, then part in goodness.