Relationships101 - Happiness

Picture the scene! You get up in the morning and you are all excited. Today you are going to conquer the world. You make a 90^º turn and you see someone standing there. It is your spouse. As great as you are feeling, your spouse is feeling the exact opposite. What happens next?

Amazingly, for some or other reason, it is generally more likely for a grumpy person to win the day than the happy person or at least at that moment. The reason being that the happy person will in all likelihood say the not-so-right thing and there goes the happy moment. We forget too quickly that we are all human and very vulnerable. Happiness needs work from the self while unhappiness, even thought possibly self-inflicted, does have the external factor to it. We thus flip into “negativity” much quicker than the other way round.

So what is the correct way for the happy one to influence the seemingly grumpy one. Firstly, always understand that the other person often is but a reflection of oneself. A couple are two halves of one and it is important that the whole remains intact. I am sure everyone would rather be happy than sad. Your contribution to happiness starts with that solidarity and oneness. We ought not to live with mere expectation but rather strive to be a positive contributor. Let the finger pointing stop,  take a deep breath and calmly tell yourself “he/she will not spoil my moment/day”, then proceed to radiate your calming and positive energy. Feel for the other person with the objective to get them to snap out of it quickly without uttering the command.

Uttering the command is dangerous. Rather, find the root of the issue as quickly as possible and one of two things should follow. Your assessment, genuine and accurate, is important. How serious is the other’s issue? Suggest that you will help in some way, remember be genuine. If you are really not able to help, be consoling and suggest ways to resolve it. Perhaps buy time to find the solution because you may want, in the meantime, to have a little fun.

You are in a relationship and it is important to realise that happiness must include both parties. Building an understanding helps one be happy and happiness shared is happiness doubled. Living your “own” life while in a relationship cannot lead to real happiness unless the relationship is like a brick.

We all, or many of us rather, have the habit of provoking the other party or sometimes we may actually misread a situation. Restore the better situation as quickly as possible and don’t blame the other for an argument or the fact that the other had the “wrong” reaction. Be conciliatory and best, in a quiet moment, to discuss these issues even using hypothetical examples and many times the offending party will realise their mistakes.

Happiness is to draw someone into the circle. When they are not ready then make the circle bigger. Be inclusive and happiness will endure.

Long may you all find happiness.