Mid-life crisis at Forty

Is 40 or 40-ish the trigger for a midlife crisis or the springboard for greater success? Many people are psychology-driven by this "forty" thing, others are totally blasé and yet others find it a time to make excuses for doing silly things.

Men and women look at things so vastly differently although they may end up doing the same things. Life is but a test and our environment certainly plays a big role. Men develop a view that "there are some things in life we have missed out on and we need to still try and do". It is the period after they have started a family and there was some settling down. Now that the foundation has been laid, the man wants to get out and play.

Women will tell you that they also have missed on things and they certainly need to explore further too. The eternal difference between male and female is most often exposed during this period. The man wants to hunt and be out there with his toys and whoever his playmates may be. The sensitive emotion-driven woman wants to be out there but for a different reason. She looks at her life and says "I have put so much effort into raising the kids while I too was working", I need to be out there being loved and enjoying the finer things in life. 

It ends up being a tricky part of life when people stray and this is not restricted to one gender. But this straying is often to fulfill different needs. The woman wants the sensuality and the man, well, is not so sensitive about the detail. Is this real and can this be avoided and prevented? We cannot guess entirely what goes through our spouse's mind and there comes a time when even a thought or two is not shared. We are individuals and at times one may want that privacy - the privacy of our thoughts. That's not a crisis. The crisis is that, more often than not, people start living passed each other and thereby create different identities - the communication has broken down. This lack of communication allows private thoughts which are fuelled by different environments, by friends and family to steer us on a different path, a path not yet trodden by ourselves. The slightest spark lights the fire and the straying from the marital bed becomes a mistake or regret. Sometimes things spiral out of control and, often depending on the support structure, things are mended in some way or another.

This "midlife" period most likely is not defined at a set age, but anecdotally most changes happen around 40. People reflect on their lives around this time, intentionally or subconsciously (and more often than not it is the latter) and they see in their spouse an obstacle to greater happiness. Sadly, instead of finding a way to address it with the spouse, thoughts are further developed and action is taken unilaterally. The likelihood that you see some shortcoming in your spouse is further exaggerated because, over time, there was no meaningful way to address it.

The ideal person is the one who is young at heart but mature in his/her thinking and ways. The ideal couple is the couple where both parties share the view of being mature youths. Those that live with passion and have it ingrained in the family while be wise enough to build a platform for themselves and the children. Their wisdom will keep them from being reckless. Their midlife will not be a crisis but merely a springboard to take them both to greater heights together.

Forty is not a time to start being naughty. Forty is the age where we should think like a sage while with our spouse we still engage.