I want to DIE!

I want to DIE! http://wp.me/p2avwv-12  

I want to DIE!

I want to Die! “Yes, he may do it”, said the judge. Alas! all too late for this man who wanted his rights to die with dignity

#suicide #desmondtutu #fabricius

A subject of interest

Many followers of the Abrahamic faiths viz Judaism, Christinaity and Islam are unaware that there scriptures forbid the indulgence in usury or, as we commonly know it, interest. The Bible, in both the Old and New Testaments, is littered with this prohibition and the Quran clearly speaks of the abomination of usury 


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A subject of Interest http://t.co/0MSbWypEbO

Mid-life crisis at Forty

Is 40 or 40-ish the trigger for a midlife crisis or the springboard for greater success? Many people are psychology-driven by this "forty" thing, others are totally blasé and yet others find it a time to make excuses for doing silly things.

Men and women look at things so vastly differently although they may end up doing the same things. Life is but a test and our environment certainly plays a big role. Men develop a view that "there are some things in life we have missed out on and we need to still try and do". It is the period after they have started a family and there was some settling down. Now that the foundation has been laid, the man wants to get out and play.

Women will tell you that they also have missed on things and they certainly need to explore further too. The eternal difference between male and female is most often exposed during this period. The man wants to hunt and be out there with his toys and whoever his playmates may be. The sensitive emotion-driven woman wants to be out there but for a different reason. She looks at her life and says "I have put so much effort into raising the kids while I too was working", I need to be out there being loved and enjoying the finer things in life. 

It ends up being a tricky part of life when people stray and this is not restricted to one gender. But this straying is often to fulfill different needs. The woman wants the sensuality and the man, well, is not so sensitive about the detail. Is this real and can this be avoided and prevented? We cannot guess entirely what goes through our spouse's mind and there comes a time when even a thought or two is not shared. We are individuals and at times one may want that privacy - the privacy of our thoughts. That's not a crisis. The crisis is that, more often than not, people start living passed each other and thereby create different identities - the communication has broken down. This lack of communication allows private thoughts which are fuelled by different environments, by friends and family to steer us on a different path, a path not yet trodden by ourselves. The slightest spark lights the fire and the straying from the marital bed becomes a mistake or regret. Sometimes things spiral out of control and, often depending on the support structure, things are mended in some way or another.

This "midlife" period most likely is not defined at a set age, but anecdotally most changes happen around 40. People reflect on their lives around this time, intentionally or subconsciously (and more often than not it is the latter) and they see in their spouse an obstacle to greater happiness. Sadly, instead of finding a way to address it with the spouse, thoughts are further developed and action is taken unilaterally. The likelihood that you see some shortcoming in your spouse is further exaggerated because, over time, there was no meaningful way to address it.

The ideal person is the one who is young at heart but mature in his/her thinking and ways. The ideal couple is the couple where both parties share the view of being mature youths. Those that live with passion and have it ingrained in the family while be wise enough to build a platform for themselves and the children. Their wisdom will keep them from being reckless. Their midlife will not be a crisis but merely a springboard to take them both to greater heights together.

Forty is not a time to start being naughty. Forty is the age where we should think like a sage while with our spouse we still engage.

Friends

Family is family and is no way, good or bad, that one can choose them

While friends one can meet aplenty but the one who sticks around is the gem

I never chose to meet you though, as even the first time we hardly greeted

What was to follow was an amazing friendship that I did not believe anything could beat it.

 

I cherish those times when a phone call, a message or a visit made my day

A bond that developed that looked strong that nothing could come in its way

In the quiet of the night, while asleep, a dark cloud may have enveloped our friendship

Your silence ever so deafening as the messages and phone calls you let slip

 

A broken heart I have for I know not what I have done to cause you any distress

Your friendship means so much to me that even now I pray that God you do bless

The joys that you brought to my life for that I can never in any way repay

Some people slip out of one’s life slowly and quietly but you seemed in a rush to get away

 

I sit and wonder about all the times we had and hope that you will soon you will be there

There where we shared much with each other and such was the love our hearts did bear

You have always been a special friend to me and your absence I cannot accept

Pray I will that my shortcomings you will pardon because in my heart our friendship I have kept.

 

Relationships101 - Happiness

Picture the scene! You get up in the morning and you are all excited. Today you are going to conquer the world. You make a 90^º turn and you see someone standing there. It is your spouse. As great as you are feeling, your spouse is feeling the exact opposite. What happens next?

Amazingly, for some or other reason, it is generally more likely for a grumpy person to win the day than the happy person or at least at that moment. The reason being that the happy person will in all likelihood say the not-so-right thing and there goes the happy moment. We forget too quickly that we are all human and very vulnerable. Happiness needs work from the self while unhappiness, even thought possibly self-inflicted, does have the external factor to it. We thus flip into “negativity” much quicker than the other way round.

So what is the correct way for the happy one to influence the seemingly grumpy one. Firstly, always understand that the other person often is but a reflection of oneself. A couple are two halves of one and it is important that the whole remains intact. I am sure everyone would rather be happy than sad. Your contribution to happiness starts with that solidarity and oneness. We ought not to live with mere expectation but rather strive to be a positive contributor. Let the finger pointing stop,  take a deep breath and calmly tell yourself “he/she will not spoil my moment/day”, then proceed to radiate your calming and positive energy. Feel for the other person with the objective to get them to snap out of it quickly without uttering the command.

Uttering the command is dangerous. Rather, find the root of the issue as quickly as possible and one of two things should follow. Your assessment, genuine and accurate, is important. How serious is the other’s issue? Suggest that you will help in some way, remember be genuine. If you are really not able to help, be consoling and suggest ways to resolve it. Perhaps buy time to find the solution because you may want, in the meantime, to have a little fun.

You are in a relationship and it is important to realise that happiness must include both parties. Building an understanding helps one be happy and happiness shared is happiness doubled. Living your “own” life while in a relationship cannot lead to real happiness unless the relationship is like a brick.

We all, or many of us rather, have the habit of provoking the other party or sometimes we may actually misread a situation. Restore the better situation as quickly as possible and don’t blame the other for an argument or the fact that the other had the “wrong” reaction. Be conciliatory and best, in a quiet moment, to discuss these issues even using hypothetical examples and many times the offending party will realise their mistakes.

Happiness is to draw someone into the circle. When they are not ready then make the circle bigger. Be inclusive and happiness will endure.

Long may you all find happiness.

Relationships101 - Marital 1

 

“He is in love”, how can you miss it, that broad smile, he is simply floating. No doubt the scene for many a youngster and then the not-so-young can easily at a point get hooked too.

This is a scene you find early on when boy meets girl. They marry and are all so happy. Awesome – everybody deserves to be happy. Anybody who stays in one house long enough will tell you that over the years the amount of junk they collect is enormous. The occasional spring cleaning helps but most times it takes a move from one house to another to decide to leave this pile of junk. Our lives, the emotional side of it, is really not that much different. Over the years we collect a fair amount of “junk” through various factors such as work stress, financial stress and physical neglect. The “he is in love” smile has most likely developed into a snarl.

The very many factors that lead to this situation are lost on many, but remedy can indeed still happen. Most people forget that life has its phases and this realisation can help in trying to stay on top of things. There are obvious guidelines that can help realign the emotional side to remain neutral/positive. The aim should obviously be to avoid negativity. Emotionally, we are all in need of spring cleaning but there is one rule that applies always: Don’t throw away another’s junk. Be it physical or emotional or a combination thereof, each one is responsible for his own junk and he/she needs to come to terms with that. The whole idea is to create an environment to facilitate this. Most wake up too late and start the finger pointing, finger wagging bit. The truth of the matter is that the buck stops here – The “I” factor – rather it should be the “eye” factor. Look yourself in the eye and address yourself as to why the situation is what it is and why is it not a few notches better. What was your role in the matter and be adult enough not to shirk responsibility.

We look at the political landscape and we find much finger pointing and very little, if any, indication of people taking responsibility. So, place yourself in that position and then decide whether you would have responded better than a politician in any particular case. Now, beam back to earth and your house and household and put up your hand as one who have been out of line. Pardon, humbly, those around you who you think have also wronged and don’t hold them responsible for the past – let it be. The day you got married, you promised your spouse that you will do this and that and at best you did “thi”, not even “this”, let alone that. Look deep inside yourself and draw the strength to set yourself and your family on a new path. Be the leader.

Relationships are fraught with dangers – but we need to be aware of that (another discussion, another time). Perhaps we need to be mindful of one or two things before we depart (although perhaps you will come back and read my next blog J ), make very few promises, but those you make, keep them. And a promise you need to make, is to build relationships that will last and commit yourself to find solutions when the GPS (of the heart) is offline.

Now do a good deed and like this and spread - Love

Selfless or Selfie

You have read the news headlines lately “Court hears details of shots that killed Reeva”, “Girl who survived brutal attack, dies”, “New uncertainty about missing Malaysian plane”, “Robbers get 30 years” – Sorry, sad reading.

Crime is nothing new, but the alarming rate at which it is increasing is scary. On self-examination many of us will pause momentarily and show our disgust at all of this. Very good – at least there is some feeling and emotion showing that our values have not been depleted totally. Few really care and show a keen interest and get involved. Others cannot be bothered by the detail as it is too far removed from themselves.

It is of course no secret that our own self-absorption causes us to not reflect on these situations enough. How will we know what is enough. – Aah – therein lies the issue. Until and unless we start to know ourselves, our very beings, the reason how and why we created, everything seems trivial. An atheist once argued that he does not need religion to have values. This is true to an extent, but then how does one define values. Values that shows little concern for another can that really be considered a value ; not stealing (and the implied honesty) can be considered a value, but is that not necessarily an inherent value because there is a law that prohibits stealing. So in a way, there is agreement that laws must exist.

But human laws have changed over time and as such lawlessness has become the order of the day. The penal system in itself is weak, but that is because the “value” system attaches more value to the rights of the individual than to that of society.

So you and I don’t really care – because we differ on whose value system is right. A value system indeed, guided by the whims and fancies of small, but yet seemingly powerful groups. This value system is diluted because we don’t know who we are. So let me belt it out – we were created from dust, we are mere nothings who have been given status only by our Creator. We forget that and behave as if we are self-made and we forget that we will one day return to our Creator.

We turn our back to His laws, or we twist His laws, we rewrite His laws as it suits us so that we may fit into society and claim our little bit of popularity. We dress shamelessly, we speak shamelessly and our promiscuous selves act shamelessly believing there is no beginning and no end to our fun. We forget we come from dust. Yes! Applying that make up after you were fashioned in the best of ways both inside and out – but you applied the paint on the outside and the inside become rusted. The inside where the value system is supposed to be nurtured has become a rust bucket.

There is hope yet, but first we have to clear our thoughts and words of superiority like, ”who died and made you God”, “Who gave you the right to speak to me”, “you tell me to dress like this while you have that problem”, etc ,etc. Bite your tongue and find the tonic to clear that rusted heart. It is easy for those who want to be selfless and not preparing to take another selfie.

Our most Merciful Creator has created chance after chance for us to improve ourselves internally. Let’s not be fake – show gratefulness to Him by acting on it. You are better than you look or are trying to look.